I am trying to fly as high as possible

i get it, do you?

2012-02-17T19:52:00.001+03:00

i get annoyedand i get in lovepretty easilyit is fysically discastingbuti try to be polite with everyoneanywaysand then i need my electricthroneto get more relaxed

electric throne 2007 by Luigi Ortani (1943)

if i was...

2012-02-07T15:36:00.000+03:00

IF

I was a fish
i would swim

but i am not
so

i get it from nicoletta ceccoli

ahahah

2012-01-15T13:36:00.001+03:00

give me a break and get ma a santa clausyes

errasure girl

2011-11-27T17:23:00.000+03:00

not saying a word
not saying a word

damn
i said a sentence
damn

yes

2011-10-19T15:14:00.001+03:00

reconsidering
life
again

ship of the leader - some news

2011-10-06T11:36:00.003+03:00

yes
i am going to do this
why?
because this is me and my admiration for people who dare to make mistakes, who dare to lead through darkest night - all of us
and no they are not only gods or Jesus or whatever
there are so much admirable and interesting people around us

in Estonia it is magical and wierd, but also somehow understandable, that all people who are somehow connected to leadership or being businessmen are speaking English, sometimes bad, lousy, awful, etc English. This is almost like I speak it here.

So i went to this conference, lots of different interesting young men and women, who all want to succeed in this greedy and interesting area like business. There was this Mark Young, not too young, but oh how enthusiastic and skillful, so he told us about Leadership.

1) is about relationships

quality of relationship
* you cannot motivate people unless you know what motivates them - be interested in people
* have fun together - hmmmmmm
* help
* they have power to change

2) is about meaning and purpose

* first question you have to ask is WHY do you want to do this

3) is about innovation and courage.

-----------
Elmo Puidet

the leadership is changing what is around you, and changing yourself in the changes what are around you.

-----
you cannot escape this place!
belive in yourself

----------------
you are not brave
when you are not afraid

----------
enjoy the ride
95% cases you will fail.

------
the team
you either make it
or break it

we are

2011-09-26T22:18:00.001+03:00

away, here, there
and so on
people are, what ever they are
i am what ever i am
that is good

that is really really good
life with the force of being
makes it simple and forever lasting

Yes

2011-09-26T00:58:00.002+03:00

I have not written here for a while.
Well, there is actually nothing to write about.
Sometimes it gets really tough.
I get tough.
I get angry and stupid and interrupted and alone.
But nothing actually happens after that.
Everything stays the same.
I just get to know that I am all alone.
We all are.

Reminder

2010-04-12T16:58:00.003+03:00

Sometimes I feel like I am in the most beautiful place in whole white sorry black world, Nigeria, amongst the most beautiful people, but these people do not know anything about their uniqueness and beauty. So here I am to remind them this.

K

the power

2010-04-02T14:28:00.000+03:00

Should i say Nigeria in power?

K

happen

2010-03-23T01:27:00.001+03:00

things happen
i happen

sometimes

2009-10-05T15:09:00.003+03:00

sometimes you are more tired/dead, then you are alive.
sometimes you are physically so tired, that you can be only in bed, but mentally you are more awake then before.

Not

2009-09-04T18:39:00.001+03:00

this is called reality-shock
I am all covered with some-one elses
problems
I am all alone

yet I am not

meeeee

2009-05-11T19:16:00.001+03:00

sometimes you get this annoying feeling
that you are all alone and you do not know, what you want to do,
but you do it anyways

*
just in case

Feel

2008-11-06T19:55:00.003+03:00

Have you ever felt that you just love some colors, without acknowledging that why...

Mmmm... Then just step in Iivi Arrak's paints and stop and watch and feel, with all your body and eyes. It is in Drakon's gallery in Tallinn offcourse until saturday.

sometimes

2008-10-10T15:33:00.004+03:00

This happened week or two ago. I do not really remember when. I had this confusing but awful feeling of anger and dissepointment. Sometimes you get something like this and you cannot do anything about it. It just comes over, then you cry, and cry and try to talk to someone, but no one actually understands your feelings, because no one has actually been in your shoes.

Usually the tendency which I start to think about in big despair is killing myself. That is why I am afraid of despair, because it makes me coward. I start to search my way out of life and do not think about me as if I had tragical life, I do not. I have everything I need, but I am not happy with it. It makes me feel miserable that I do not know what to do with everything that I have.

But at this moment I saw the sky so beautiful, that I understood, I love living though it is sometimes very hard to live, to love and to enjoy being. I know that I have to do more to actually love it. That I have to be more useful.

president

2008-09-19T14:47:00.002+03:00

You have a problem and you do not know how to solve it, then you just talk about it and it will solve itself. This is the way things go. This is the way things are. Sometimes solving like this makes people angry at you and it creates more problems, but at the same time it makes you better man, when you know how to solve problems, without hurting someone.

*
Artist has to hurt, has to figure out things, has to understand and stand for better world. Poet has the same thing to do.

*
I went to Dragon gallery and saw Merike Estna, her question was about being artist. She asked if she was just another joker. And sometimes we have to see ourselves as jokers. We can not do anything about it, because this is the role the life has given us, and we either can take it and make it something else or we have to frow it away and take some other role. We are allways in some kind of being or having to be something we are not, but we have to be it anyways.

*
The other art was Jaanus Tangsoo art in Horsehead gallery. It was intresting and intrigueing. What do people elect? Do they pick you for your smart clothes, pretty smile or your knowledge of manipulating with their desires? Do they pick your Chanell costume or Christian Dior suit or that brilliant and stupid sentence, which you said in TV when you wanted to be elected?

I mean if I could elect someone next time to be president of Estonia of U.S.A, then it would be totally naked woman with monkey's head. Or at least something like that.

control

2008-09-08T12:34:00.002+03:00

To Ian Curtis

Get out of the train
you have lost your ticket
Get out of the pain
you have lost your feeling

Dreaming on each day
of the beautiful things
I see only rain
and some leaves on
the ground
talking silently to
dispair
giving up for names
and faces
sorting things out
in your head

Get out of the train
you have lost your ticket
get out of your pain
you have lost your feelings

*
It is just like that.

Women

2008-09-06T16:24:00.003+03:00

You cannot live with them and you cannot live without them.

*
May-be it is a sign of me being gay, but I am seeing confusing and funny dreams.

Usually there are lots of pretty naked women in it. For example yesterday I saw Merle Palmiste.

Uuh...

That is strange thing.

unexpected

2008-08-29T12:38:00.003+03:00

Sometimes I am fascinated of odd, but pretty pictures. Specially I love Edward Hopper and his women, they allways look far away, yet you can not see on the picture what are they looking. Maybe there is their strange and bad husband beating up their lovely dog or kitten, maybe they think about their last years without children, maybe they do not think at all, maybe they see out of the window this awful man killing someone with knife etc, etc. You never know, you know. It is thrilling and odd, strange and beautiful.

*
And something spooky comes out of the pictures, it is like real life, where you actually can not know what happens tomorrow, or day after that, it just happens, it makes you different and sometimes beastlike things catch you, sometimes beautiful things, sometimes it is just odd and unexpected situation, where you find yourself, but inside you, you know you needed this experience.

*

Horses

2008-08-28T13:38:00.005+03:00

The most annoying thing people do (while they ask from you something important for them, like when they are in store and ask about book or clothes or what ever they need, or when they ask even about their location, when they are not local,) is CHEWing gum. Are you a horse or something! That is not polite and that IS ugly.

And that can insult anyone, who gives you any kind of serveses.

*

used

2008-08-24T15:56:00.002+03:00

I smoked some Porcelain. It was not as good as I wanted to be.

But I am not used to it.

Exposed

2008-08-23T16:52:00.003+03:00

Oh, I found an exposed artist. That is funny blog.

*
www.anartistexposed.blogspot.com

*
And stuff at City gallery is too bit like artist exposing himself or herself. That is quite awful feeling.

*
And yes you should go to Porcelain Smoke, if you are not coming... Then you will not have new experiance.

Head

2008-08-20T10:47:00.001+03:00

I have to work my butt out of my head and that is hard, because my butt is pretty big.

*

Jogging

2008-08-18T14:08:00.001+03:00

Legs hurt because of yesterday's busstation. I practically jogged there, though I like walking quickly, specially with some male friend.

*

Hospital

2008-08-15T10:02:00.003+03:00

University smells like some kind of hospital. Next time I am here I will give them my liver, and maybe they will give me some knowledge or at least patience.

*
I am what I am yet not, what I allow myself to be some day.

*
A Halston quote: "I think fame and fortune are really a curse in a way, but yet thery´re necessary evils for success."

*
You can find joy in City callery in Harju street. "Little bigs" (uuh, that sounds in English as if it is about pigs, but actually it is about birds. Beatiful flying birds).

Halston

2008-08-14T15:03:00.003+03:00

I went to Humana and bought myself a nice dress - I think it looks as if Halston had made it. It looked cute, specially on me and I am going to wear it in theatre.

*
If you come to Estonia, go to Draamateater, buy tickets for Porcelain Smoke and you will see me, with my Halston dress.

Dressing

2008-08-13T13:26:00.004+03:00

An English version of my lfe, which is not actually very interesting. Liberary, museums and then some good literature. But I found Roland Barthes´s The Language of Fashion, and that makes my day. Though the Geogria makes some other people´s day. Let it make.

Quotes:

Dress is essentially part of the axiological order.
(7)

What can I say, when other people talk about politics - I talk about dresses. When other people talk about dresses - I talk about politics. Either way I am smart.

*
Yesterday I found in the web American blog, where mister talked about fuel and it´s importance to America. I would not mind, if some things would be different in America. Not more fuel or cheaper fuel, but different lifestyle - not everyone does not have to have car - some people should just use public transport. But you know, it is America and it´s public transport.

Everyone gets weak if it depens on one thing.

*
Andy Warhol used to write in 1960s in his diary: "What´s great about this country is that America started the tradition where the richest consumers buy essentially the same things as the poorest."

And now we see the fruit of this kind of great thing.